The Two Faces of Lina: Comic Con and Kicking My ASS Off

I've been soo busy with my full school schedule I haven't had time to do much of anything let alone blog, so here's a quick update on things....

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Went to Comic Con on Sunday, October 12th. Once again I went with my girlfriend who got me a deal on tickets. Was also supposed to meet up with an Ex from way back when who was working at the con but between getting their late, the madness of the place, my short stature, and how busy he got, we never saw one another. Somehow it seems as if in my world men and Comic Con don't mix.
My other Ex (the more recent one) wanted to go with me when we were apart, then when we got together and Comic Con rolled around he wasn't interested. Now with this old ex, waning me to meet him there, even offering to get me in for free, than when I get there, poof, he's buried in customers and I can't find him nor my way from A to Z because the place is so packed with people.
For the little time I was there I enjoyed myself, until I pulled my back out dodging out of the way of some stupid asshole kids...yep I'm becoming an old lady...lol

Oh well...at least I got my gift from him...which was really rather neat.
He got me a handmade Klingon slave girl statue that he had showed me years ago and had said reminded him of me. She's got the same body type as me except a little lighter on a few pounds, and when I saw her it was the first time I saw my body shape in a positive light. You see my ex never had a problem with my body. He seemed to like it just the way it was, though I had my issues, so when I saw this statue it was like seeing myself the way he saw me and for the first time I saw myself as being sexy. Back then I had wanted to buy it, but the man who had made it only made two and both had sold out. Well it turns out my Ex never forgot how much I loved it, contacted the guy and convinced him to sculpt one more, which he then bought for me and held on to it for all these years.
Pretty impressive for a guy who can be and still is such a dick...lol

So since I started writing this blog it's been a little over a month of Kickboxing and I've lost a total of 10 pounds, which isn't that much considering the time, but when I look at the bigger picture I was actually amazed at my progress.

When I began the class it worked me so hard I left it completely wasted and wanting to puke. My legs were shaking making walking a challenge and any stairs I encountered became a scary obstacle. Then that weekend my body literally shut down. Moving any part of my body became excruciating, I was walking like Frankenstein and stairs became a ridiculous impossibility because the pain would actually buckle my knees. In fact that weekend I became stuck in my aunts basement, only going up if my bladder was busting and only by double stepping every stair. I needed about 4 days to recover each time, but even though it was painful somehow it felt like good pain. I felt parts of my body hurt I didn't even know had muscle. So at the beginning I had to arrange my schedule so I could take the class and be out of commission for 4 days, not an easy task when your going to school too, which meant I could go once a week only. So I started once a week for about three weeks before my body and stamina were strong enough to do it twice a week. I couldn't change how I ate right away because of my busy schedule. But exercising as hard as I was made me want to take control of what I was putting into my body. I spent a little money on a juicer, bought a well received liquid vitamin, and slowly replaced all sugar drinks in my house with seltzer, and ordered crap with healthy options. Now I find when I indulge in something bad it'll taste funny, or taste too sweet. Because of that I find myself even more unconsciously drawn to healthy options.

But the biggest change has been in my body.

They always say don't trust the scale trust your clothing, well they were fucking right!!

It started off with little things like going up hills took less effort, my thighs seemed thinner or my school bag didn't feel as heavy. But now it's showing in the way my stomach is disappearing, in my posture, and in the way my body responds to my workouts. Hell...I did 20 partnered push ups the other day where you push up then high five your partner, and I've never done 20 push ups in my LIFE, plus I did them straight without stopping....lol

 But now after I finish a workout I may feel physically exhausted, but I feel energized at the same time. I end up refreshed and look forward to my next workout though I know afterward I'm gonna pay. I'm craving it but now that I'm seeing results the pain seems worth it.

Ok...Since this blog is already too long...I'll leave the other stuff (namely school stuff) for another blog...

(Picture above I took at Comic Con)

Happy V-Day or Happy Singles Awareness (or Appreciation) Day!!! And a Happy Surprise...:-)

Yes...Today is Valentine's Day...
Now normally I am not a fan of the day, except for the excellent sales on candy and my affinity for candy hearts which you can only find today. But I am a fan of Romance, I never found anything Romantic about a forced day of affection. So I was pleasantly surprised that this Valentine's Day actually went rather well.

I was dreading having to go to class, being surrounded by all those children being gooey and mushy with their sweet smelling perfumes, pink outfits, flowers, and balloons, when I rather do my norm which is chill in front of the TV watching the annual cheaters marathon on G4.
So I prepared for the onslaught by dressing in some of my favorite geek war wear and mentally prepared myself for the public affection and giggly bobble-headed females.
Instead what I got was the complete opposite.
From the moment I got on the train, I realized I was surrounded by my people. Hard working people who were just trying to get to their destination without drama, and for them, today was just like any other day.
It was actually rather surreal and I found myself scanning people looking for any hint of hidden Valentine's paraphernalia like any red or pink clothing, flowers, or gifts.
I found nothing.
In fact, some of the women looked as if they hadn't even bothered pulling themselves together to go out or for that matter hadn't bothered to shower, while the men were wearing beat-up casual clothing, or normal office attire. Funny enough, I think I had on the most makeup in my part of the train car, which for me consists of average nude eye makeup and a bit of lip gloss...lol

From that train ride on, the day went on like any other day.
Got to school, went to class, and left.
I noticed a few people with flowers or balloons in the halls, but they were so few and far between that it wasn't even an annoyance. It was as if almost everyone in school was like me and for once I was part of the majority....felt rather strange. In fact, the term Singles Awareness Day came from a classmate of mine who was wishing the whole class a Happy Singles Awareness Day. Until he uttered the term I didn't even know us single people had a holiday of our own to counteract Valentine's Day, so I Googled it.
On my way home I again saw the noticeable lack of Valentine's Days sticky love hemorrhage that would normally be everywhere and on everyone. No giggly bobble-headed clones, no idiots trying to fit 20 balloons on a crowded subway train, and no young couples pawing each other in public, making out full on french style for the world to see.

So the thing I was afraid of didn't happen. I got through the day without needing to shower away residual glitter or funky odors... Then as if to make my day end even better, as I was leaving my subway station, I was surprised by my mother and my big mush ball Baby Huey of a dog.
Seeing them waiting for me, my big dog pulling to get to me with his big fluffy tail wagging madly just made my night.
What a nice way to end my evening, being greeted by those I love the most.

Did I have a few bad moments?
Sure...it is Valentine's Day after all and I'm newly single after breaking up with the first man I ever loved, so memories are gonna pop up causing melancholy thoughts, but I pushed through them pretty well.

Then the final cherry on top of my day was finding out I can fit into a size 12 jeans again....
HOLY FUCK!!!
and I'm not talking about squeezing into them, but just putting them on. Sure I still had to do the butt tuck trick where you contract the butt muscles as you pull the jeans up (my big bootay is always gonna be an issue) but I hardly had to do that.
I guess even though I'm not exercising, all this running around is still burning those calories...

So this Valentine's Day went from anticipated horror, to any other boring day, and actually ended better then most days.  If this isn't proof of a higher power, I don't know what is....lmao!

 (Photo above of me wearing my favorite geek shirt and the beautiful prayer beads my cousin made.)

I'm Below the National Waist Size Average!!!?: Running my Ass Off continued...

That's right folks...
Yours truly is actually below the National Waist Size Average!!
WOOOHOOO!!!!
Trust me...no one was more surprised then I was.

I was watching a news program about the obesity epidemic when they talked about a recent Federal study that showed that the average waist size for men in the US was 39.0 inches while for women its 36.5 inches.
I am currently a little under 33 inches.

Kinda blew my head....

I'm still not sure how accurate that survey was and I don't completely trust news networks anymore, but it made me realize how far I've come.
But just like everything in my life, my happy dance didn't last long...

Now there seems to be a new study out that correlates waist size and health (it's been out before but this one was all new...lol), that says you need to have a waist size of 31 and under to be low risk, so of course I have a ways to go...
That is if any of this shit ACTUALLY mattered to me...

I was just happy knowing I was below the national average...I did my little jig and that was it...I really couldn't give 2 shits otherwise...
The obesity issues is a big one, and it requires major change to take place in every aspect of our lives, but people don't want to talk about that, and until they do, I'm sticking my fingers in my ears, sticking out my tongue, and blowing raspberries at my TV.
They want to throw around scary numbers, tell you to eat right and exercise, but that's all they say (as if that's the only problem). Then right afterward, as if by divine coincidence, you'll see is a fast food commercial.

It's fucking comical.

So...I know there's always gonna be another survey, another study, that will say something different. Just look at how many times they said red wine and coffee were bad for you, which is why I'm not giving up my red meat for no man...lol. So I'm not gonna waste my time chasing after someone else's idea of healthy.

I know what it looks like and I'll know it when I get there...
*PING*...lol...;-)



Stories on the web that have to do with what I'm ranting about: 

Japan, Seeking Trim Waists, Measures Millions 
The Belly Burden


(Photo by KclCmdr, provided by Photobucket and directly linked)
(Ticker provided by The Ticker Factory)

"Weight Wars"...

So...It's Official....I lost 24 pounds!
BOOYAA!!!!!

That is...according to my new doctor who I saw August 9th. Can't get more official then that, and my weight was taken during the afternoon, fully clothed....:-))

Awesome!.......

I'm still busting my hump with Jillian's DVD's and stomach crunches "a la Mama" (my mothers stomach exercises which are killer by the way...she has abs of steel), but I haven't been doing much of the treadmill since the DVD's take so much out of me.

I also gave up on my goal for the wedding (since it's unreasonable now that it's a week away), but that doesn't mean I give up on my overall goal of weight loss and healthy living.
I'm still exercising at least 3 times a week and eating healthy has gotten easier. Before it was a fight with my cravings and the emotional aspect of food. Plus food is a big part of my culture as a Puerto Rican, so there's a strong social quality to food for me.

But tricks like serving myself, using smaller plates (both of which help me to control portion size and prevent over eating) , making sure I try to have salad with every meal, making sure there's more salad on my plate then anything else, and eating the salad first so as to fill up faster, are all common sense things that have helped me to lower the amount of calories I consume. I can still enjoy the traditional foods I grew up with, just in smaller portions. I've also almost completely cut out soda, but occasionally, like maybe twice a month, treat myself to a coke if I've been good, almost treating the soda like I would a dessert.

If anything my progress just encourages me to keep going, and my new goal of another 30 pounds by November doesn't seem as impossible now that I'm properly motivated.

I'm so tired of being unhealthy. If it isn't one thing, it's another.
I've never let anything beat me down and I'm not about to start now...
So here it goes...
WOOOHOOO!!!...lol..................................................................................

Next blog "Klutziness Strikes Again!"...........
(Top photo by Ray_Harris, Photobucket and is directly linked)
(Ticker thanks to Tickerfactory.com)

Should I share Now or Later...hmmmm...?

So I'm debating whither I should share my body changes since I started this "Run My Ass Off" "Break My Ass" campaign.
I wont lie...the prospect of putting out the actual numbers for the world to see (actually more like 5 people..lol) is a frighteningly anus tightening task (say that 10 times fast).

I mean...it's one thing to see my fat ass in person, where I can try to camouflage all my wobbly bits with some dark deceptive shading and flowy fabric, but it's another to actually give out mathematical numbers that you can compare to African wildlife...
But since I seem to be spewing all my other embarrassing shit in this lovely little blog of mine, why not add another smoker to the pile.

Now...don't get all disappointed...but I can't post my weight changes because my scale (which was an old relic covered in dust and hidden under the tub) is dead, and I'm too broke to buy another one (yes I broke it...because I was bouncing on it like an idiot...don't ask)
But...have no fear...I have been taking measurements at least once a month to mark my body modification progress.

I had some basic measurements from March, which I've been using as my control, and I was planning to compare them to measurements I took a week ago. My plan was to wait till the day before the wedding to post them since that was my original goal date...but I'm impatient (always have been...lol) and I'm not sure what difference a little over 2 weeks would really make.
Plus...if I'm gonna do this shit...I got to do it like the way you rip off a band-aid...fast and painless (which is a lie told by sadistic parents who are tired of wasting their time watching their kid slowly peel off the damn band-aid!...sorry...um...went a ranting there...lol)...

So while writing this dribble, I've decided to post the measurements Now and then take new ones after the wedding to post Later...
Let's see if over 2 weeks makes any sort of difference...
Here we go...

March                           July 
Hips : 47 inches             Hips: 44 inches 
Waist : 38 inches           Waist: 33 inches
Bust : 43 inches             Bust:  41 inches

Now...I'm not completely happy with the results, because I know I could have done better then this, but I have to be honest and remind myself that I didn't truly put my whole heart into the exercising/eating right thing until June, where I promptly freaked the fuck out.
I may not have reached my goal, but it helped get my large butt moving, and finally pushed me over that hurdle (more like a 30 foot wall) of not wanting to change my life.
I've already set another goal for November when I will hopefully be going to Cancun, so I don't intend to stop once the wedding is over. I'm taking this as far as I can before something happens (which it always seems to do and why my nickname is Murphy...lol)

Though I may not be entirely happy (cause I'll still be fat for the wedding) I'm constantly reminded of how much has changed with the loss of a few inches. I fit into jeans I haven't worn in over 2 years, people say (as if surprised) that I look good without me fishing for it, I can walk further, run faster, and I think I look better, but that's my own personal opinion ;-)

So that's it...
If I can get to a scale I'll see where I am in comparison to the last time I was on a scale (the night it died), then I'll post that in my after wedding blog...
As for now...I'm feeling the effects of the benadryl I took, so it's time for bed...

Peace OUT!!!

(beautiful "Pin Up Measuring Tape" photo by LaurenCollins7's Album, posted on Photobucket, and directly linked)

Holy Shit!!! Breaking Myself Seems to be Working!!!!!

This week was the first time I was able to do both exercise DVD's (Jillian Michaels for Beginners - Frontside / Backside) with only a day break in between.
Before when I did the DVD's I'd be incapable of doing much of anything except maybe walk, and that was if I was lucky. I'd normally need 2 to 3 days just to recover because I would be in so much pain even sitting on the damn toilet was an issue.
I mean really...have you ever worked out so hard that the muscles you use to just sit on the damn toilet don't work right anymore. I'd spend at least a day after exercising, falling onto the toilet every time I needed to pee. Not exactly fun...

These DVD's make me use muscles I didn't even know I had, that is until the next day when they're screaming, but what keeps me torturing myself is not a deep seeded masochistic tenancy, but that I'm beginning to see amazing results.
Besides the obvious stamina I've developed, I can see the changes in my body. My ass is melting away, my tummy (especially the lower portion) is disappearing, my arms are getting smaller as are my thighs (which have quite a ways to go), and my face has changed. But the biggest change is the increase in wardrobe.
Now I'm not talking about going out and buying shit (cause I hate shopping...most fat people do) but because stuff I couldn't fit into before, I can fit into again. I went from 1 pair of jeans, to 2, now I can fit (though tightly) into 4 pairs of my old jeans...That was a big hallelujah moment for me cause I don't have any money for clothes, or anything else for that matter.
Granted, these changes are not due to exercise alone. I have changed my diet and am eating healthy whenever I can, but I'm not on "a diet". I'm not eating just salad or organic non processed foods (though I am trying to incorporate more of those into my diet), but I'm using my common sense. I may want the cheeseburger, but the chicken sandwich is a better bet, or I can have a fried chicken wing or two if I make sure to have a heaping of steamed vegetable as my side. I also make sure to eat the healthy stuff first so when I get to the not so healthy stuff, my stomach is already mostly full. I guess you can say I've finally crossed over from wanting to change my life, to actually doing it (**knock on wood**)

Now the question becomes...
Will I loose enough by Auguest 20th to be happy with the way I look in the wedding photos?
Probably not...but I kinda don't care as much anymore.

I realized what I'm doing is more important for the long term then it is for any short term benefits I might get, which is why I'm trying to do this the right way. I've always wondered what my life would be like if I were skinny, but now I wonder what my life is going to be like when I'm finally (mostly) healthy. I know some of my health problems aren't just going to go away once I'm fit (like my Fibromyalgia, my Endometriosis, or being short), but being fit is going to help me get a handle on those issues and that's really all I want at this point.

Now I did the calculations and I will be PMSing for the wedding (OH JOY!!) so all this Zen shit about my weight and not really caring might go out the fucking window on that most anticipated day, but I can only worry about that when it happens, and possibly buy some strong muscle relaxers now...LOL

(Photo of Renée Zellweger as Bridget Jones by Bridget_Jones_photos courtesy of Photobucket and directly linked)

Broke My Ass Again!!!

But at least this time I was able to get my broken ass off the floor...
Today I did Jillian Michaels for Beginners - Backside DVD.
I know my blood pressure went through the roof again cause once I finished, my head was throbbing, and my face was the color of a ripe tomato, but luckily this time I made sure to pace myself.

After almost killing myself on Thursday with Jillian Michaels for Beginners - Frontside DVD, I had to go to my aunts house for my annual family Birthday weekend get together.
Needless to say, I was a mess.
Everything hurt, I was walking funny, going up and down stairs was a nightmare, and it actually hurt every time I went to sit on the damn toilet bowl. Thank God I can laugh at my pain cause I laughed a lot that weekend.
But so far, his time around, I can sit to pee without wincing.

It might just be that my lower body is stronger then my upper body. After all, it has to lug my Fat Ass around all day long. But since I've been doing all that walking/running on the treadmill, maybe I was more equipped to handle the exercises on this DVD then the Frontside DVD.

Either way I'm making progress...
Today's measurements show that since March I've lost:
3 inches off my waist
3 inches off my hips
1 inch off my bust

But it's not just numbers I'm noticing. My face is loosing it's roundness, the rolls on my back are almost gone, my tummy is getting flatter, my clothes are fitting me differently, and I'm feeling sexy again.
If I keep this up, nothing will be able to stop me from out running my ASS!..:-)

Me As "The Human Floor Rug"...

Have you ever worked out to the point that your muscles turn to jelly, your body shuts down, and you can't get off the floor?.....
Well that's what just happened to me after doing Jillian Michaels for Beginners - Frontside(DVD), which was basically 44 minuets of me kicking my own ass.

I did all 6 circuit training exercises (each circuit consists of 3 exercises done 3 times), with the last exercise being a 30 second plank hold on the floor. .
When I finished, I collapsed onto my stomach, waiting for my heart to re-start and my head to stop pounding. While laying there on the floor, my lovely little invalid of a cat Duke decided to take advantage of my ground level position and use me as a floor rug (evidence on the right).

When I finally realized that I wasn't dead, and that I could in fact get up, my body begged to differ.
My legs and arms were too exhausted to do anything other then flap around like land locked fish, and any attempt I made to move any part of my body (other then my head) off the floor, was met by earths gravitational pull.

I couldn't even roll over onto my back!!
A turtle, stuck on his back, had more of a chance then I did...
And of course, it was this very thought that pushed me over the edge into laughter.

There I was... stuck...on my stomach...a human floor rug for the pets...with no way to get up...laughing like an idiot into the floor boards, and again my thoughts sent me into even more laughter until finally I was laughing hysterically!!...LOL!

Thank GOD I had my cell phone to call in the cavalry, otherwise I might still be there NOW!
Imagine having to call and explain to someone in between bouts of laughter, that your stuck, on you stomach, on the floor, like an infant.
Luckily my savor was close by so I didn't have to wait long. But between my laughter and my useless muscles, getting me off the floor wasn't easy. After taking breaks to allow me to gain some semblance of control, I was rolled, heaved and hoed (not the making money kind) back onto my feet.

Once off the floor though things when from funny to foggy as I got dizzy, sleepy, and felt so cold I was actually shivering. I looked so bad that my rescuer sat me down with a bottle of water and bundled me up with a blanket and a heating pad, but it took awhile before I started to feel normal again.

As of now I can move my limbs, but everything (and I mean everything) is stiff and very achy. I'm walking around like Frankenstein, but at least I'm walking, and though my arms are weak, I can wipe my ass....

My only worry is for tomorrow.
What condition will I be in? and Will I  need a bed pan?...lol

Do I regret doing the whole DVD?
Nope...
For the first time in a Long time, I pushed past all my limits and won.
I wouldn't change that feeling for the world...though tomorrow I might be singing a different tune...lol...;-)

The Death of Out Running My Ass (Lost the Battle but I Will Win the War!!!)

So I'm off the C25K Program...
With my health issues I just couldn't keep up. But I haven't given up.

I had tried to move forward with the week 3 program, but I just kept hurting myself, so I brought it back down to week 2 and decided to stay there for awhile, but when my health issues put me on the side lines for 2 weeks, I had to reduce it to just walking for 20 mins or until I reach a mile, depending on how I feel. At least that's better then when I started, so I know it's not really square one, it just feels a bit like it...

The worse part is feeling frustrated and trying not to let things get to me. I was feeling so good running, and the changes that I was seeing in my body made me giddy. But since I stopped, I'm luckily not gaining weight, but I'm not loosing any either, and that's driving me nuts with paranoia.

So to replace my running I'm gonna be doing more strength training and floor exercises. I had intended to add these to my running program, but instead I'll be doing less running and more of this until I can physically run again.

Patience has never been my strong suite, but if I don't practice it now, I wont move forward, and that's not an option...

Hitting Walls while Out Running My Ass(Begining of Week 4)....

Fucking walls........

I'm in week 4 (or the 2nd week of week 2) in the C25K Program (The Couch-to-5K Running Plan) and I'm beginning to hit walls in my training. The whole reason I added an extra week to each single week program was to allow my body to adjust to the exercise and be better prepared for the increase in training, but instead my body feels like it did at the beginning.

Yesterday I felt like I was gonna die running on that treadmill. The only reason I was even able to finish my 20 mins was because I can be a very stubborn Bitch when it comes to being defeated. Where that comes from...you'll have to ask my mother...;-)
I made sure to stretch before my run (like any responsible runner) but from the moment I started running, it felt wrong. 
My knees hurt like hell, my gate was off so I was running with a bit of a limp, and by the time I was half way through I was so exhausted and in pain I wanted someone to kill me. When I finally finished my run through hell, I found I could barely talk, and had pain from the top of my head, to the tips of my toes. I realized (after the blood returned to my aching brain) that next time I might have to give myself more time to recover if I decide to spend another Saturday wedding shopping with my aunts. -_-
 
Granted...the next day I was grateful that I had pushed through the pain because I'm still continuing to see more noticeable changes in my body everyday, and the great thing is, I'm not the only one.
My stomach is flatter and my over all waist is smaller. The 3 rolls of fat that I had on my back (aka my three wise men) are almost completely gone. My saddle bags are smoothing out and my bra band size has gone from a 36 back to a 34. So I haven't even finished my first month of this program and I'm already seeing results. The last thing I want to do right now is slow down....

I know intellectually that I can't push myself like other people, and that if I do, I can end up doing more damage to myself in the long run, but it's so hard to tell yourself to slow down when you finally begin to see the results that you longed for.
I'm doing the impossible, I'm turning back the clock. Forcing back the hands of time. Undoing all the damage I've done, so why would I want to slow that down?

The real question is...how far can I push it?

If I slow down too much, I could end up stalling like a plane, loosing the motivation that my noticeable body changes are giving me. But if I continue to ignore the pain, I could hurt myself to the point of becoming immobile which would definitely bring me back to square 1.

So once again...it's all about compromise.
I continue my routine as usual, but if I notice more pain like I did on Monday, I stop running and just walk the 20 mins. That way, I'm still getting some exercise in but without the risk of further injury.
Will it annoy me? Yes...
Will I want to cheat? Yes...
Will I cheat? No...
Will it be worth it? Yes...as long as I practice the fine art of patience....

Out Running My Ass (End of Week 2)....

So...Like I mentioned in my last blog...I've been using The Couch-to-5K Running Plan. Well... I'm 2 weeks into it and I'm surprised to be saying this, but I'm already noticing some subtle differences...

This program isn't easy, especially for somebody who's never run before, but I noticed after the 2nd time doing it, that the running gets a bit easier every time. I expected that to happen maybe after 2 weeks, not 2 days. I've also noticed that my body is more flexible, my general stamina seems to have improved, but the most surprising are the changes in my body.

To make sure I'm not delusional, I asked a few people if they noticed a difference in my body and sure enough they said they did. What I notice is that I'm standing straighter, and my stomach seems to be flatter. But because my paranoia knows no bounds, I knew I needed to get proof, actual numbers for me to truly believe that my body has changed. So I measured myself and compared the results to measurements I took in February (before the program). 

Well to my surprise again not only has there been changes, but some big ones in places I didn't even expect. 

Sure the half inch off my stomach was what I was expecting, and the half inch off my bust wasn't that surprising, but what really surprised me were the loss of 2 full inches off my hips in 2 weeks!!...

I am literally running my ass off....lol

So I'm not hallucinating or delusional (at least for the most part) and in 2 weeks of using this simple beginners running program I'm feeling good and looking better... 

If this is what comes from running, I may just be the newest convert...

Yep...I think...if all goes as planned...I might just fit into that dress after all...:-)

Run Fat Girl, Run.....

Well...I've decided on a game plan for my weight loss...or at least I think I have.

Running...

Yep...this former athlete turned couch potato, as of yesterday has started running....

I found this program called "The Couch-to-5K Running Plan" and it seems reasonable. 
20 min every other day of alternate walking and running. As you progress the walking quotient of the program gets shorter while the running part gets longer, until your running for a full 30 mins or running for a full 3 miles.


At first my plan was to alternate Pilates and 15 mins of walking on the treadmill everyday, to build stamina, endurance, and strengthen my muscles, but since I got sick, I'm back to square one and need to jump start my program. 
I figure I'll start off with this program for a week or two, see how my body reacts, add stomach crunches on my rest days, then possibly add Pilates on alternating rest days, that way I get both cardio and slowly integrate some strength training.
It seems like a good plan, but it could all fall apart depending on how my screwed up body reacts...(ha..ha..eh..)


My back up plan is to workout 3 times a week with my trainer friend at Bally Total Fitness. He's a member and has offered to workout with me as my gym buddy, which would truly be a blessing for this natural procrastinating exercise has-been...lol
Now that Bally's finally has memberships with no contracts, I wouldn't mind joining again, but that's only if I can afford the monthly fee. Right now it's a bit too much, but I'm hoping they'll soon have a spring sale for all those other procrastinating bums who are panicking about swimsuit season.


My mother always said that if I wanted to loose weight, running was the way to go, and I wouldn't be surprised if just like everything else, she were right...

40 Pounds, 4 Months, and a Wedding...

No...I'm not getting married...

In August I am going to a very important wedding...but I have a rather Large dilemma...

I'm Fat!!

Not big boned...not husky...not pleasantly plump...

F.A.T...

What brought this up?

Realizing that I have to start looking for a dress starting Tomorrow...(*silent scream*)

This is going to be the second wedding I've ever been to (as an adult) and its one of the most important upcoming events of my life.

Why?

Because it's the wedding of my aunt.

A woman who's been my sister, second mother, and best friend for as long as I can remember (I know...sounds very inbred to me too...lol).

After her first unfortunate marriage of control, abuse, and drama, she has found her match. A good man who can not only be a great father to her children, but can handle her eccentricities of mood with humor, and compassion. A man truly worthy of being the newest member of our wolf pack.

It's not going to be anything extravagant.

Just a small gathering of our family and his, on a yacht, for a sunset wedding on the river.

Ok...sounds extravagant, but its not...not with our lot on board...lol

But to me, it's a very special event, and I want to make sure everything is perfect for her, including me...

Ok...truth be told...my reasons for wanting to loose the 40 pounds are rather selfish.

Everyone knows one of the big things about weddings, besides the wedding itself, are the pictures, and ever since the day I grew Boobage, I  hated them with a passion.

During my horrible teens, I saw myself as the fat one of the family, and if anyone, family, friend, or stranger, came at me with a camera, I'd run, hide, or give them nothing but a nameless person with a middle finger for a face.

Evidence to the right:

A photo of my mother and aunt, holding me down for a photo, and my natural instinct photog response...

(from left to right: my mother, me, and my aunt)

In the last few years, I've taught myself to be somewhat ok with the way I look, as long as I was in control of the pictures. What I like to call "self picture therapy".

I've almost mastered my head shot and know what my good angles are (Facebook and Myspace are my testimonials to that...lol), but I still can't take a full body shot without cringing. Especially since I am now at the heaviest I've ever been in my life.

What finally woke me up to how far I let myself go, was seeing pictures of me at the last wedding I went to a few years ago.

I was Huge... and as I cropped my body out of every photo I could get my hands on, I swore that I would never be that BIG for my aunts BIG day.

Oh...and the wedding is going to be in August. Which means of course, hot temps, bare skin, and light colored clothing....

The heavy girls nightmare...

(why???)

How am I supposed to live by the heavy girls code in those conditions...

"Cover up whatever you can"

"Hide it in black so no one can see"

So I made a goal.

Loose 40 pounds by June.

That seemed reasonable when I first decided to start this program in November.

Enough weight to make me feel better. Something attainable, realistic....

 The plan was to loose 5 pounds a month minimum...by just eating healthy (since I still couldn't move around much due to my health)...

What was I thinking...

Who starts a weight loss program of only healthy eating, right before the most gluttonous months of the year?

Luckily...in the second week of December I started a new drug that would give me back my mobility, but I wouldn't realize to what extent until early February, which meant I lost 3 months...

Now that I'm more mobile, I've already lost 10 pounds, but it makes me anxious to push myself so that I can continue to loose enough to meet my goals.

I have to continue to remind myself that I am still going through serious health issues, and that I'm not free to use the crazy diets, or body destroying workouts that the average healthy "fat girl" can use...;-)

All of this drama just so I can be proud to stand by my aunts side. To get photos taken of me without wishing for a swift death. To just enjoy being there with her on her big day without being distracted or self conscious about the way I look.

Seems like such a waist of energy...but I don't know how else to feel...

So, though I'm impatient,  I attempt to eat healthy and slowly build my endurance.

I'm taking the turtles path. Slow and steady wins the race, but I don't remember the turtle having a time limit...