Quick Blog: Ex-Boyfriend Wont take NO for an Answer!

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Saccharine Sweet Sentimental Garbage

I look back.

Vibration of a V engine,

mechanical thunder,

and my breath catches.

Glimpses of cream colored memories

in apple scented leather,

and my pulse races.

Sly smiles of

cigarettes and sage.

The weight of it presses down. 

Lustful mocha colored eyes,

pain and power,

fold my weakened knees. 

Bending bruised heart,

reopened wound,

my doubt rebounded.

I stop.

Eyes forward,

chin lifted,

I take my breath back.

Hands open,

back straightened,

my pulse slows.

Muscles tighten,

rib cage is lifted,

my strength returns.

With bruised knees,

and a battered heart,

my fingers stanch the hemorrhage.

I step forward.

A Long Time Coming...Spring Semester & Surgery...

To say I am tired is an understatement of unbelievable scope.
Besides finishing my spring semester, I've also undergone surgery to remove the breast tissue from underneath my right armpit.

After getting sick this past spring semester, I discovered something rather disturbing. As I got well all of my lymph nodes went down except the ones in my right armpit forming a lump. At first I didn't pay it any mind thinking it was just a weird reaction my body was undergoing to being ill. I just figured it would eventually go away. Well, it didn't.
In fact as time went on it got larger (about the size of a golf ball) and notably painful to the point that simply touching it or putting on my bra became minor torture.  It was especially bad when I was PMSing due to the area swelling even more. I tried to perform the normal self check looking for nodules and I could sort of feel a few, but the pain prevented me from doing a proper check. The more pressure I placed on the area, the worse the pain got, and the more it would swell.

During all this time at school I was undergoing finals, papers, presentations, and projects, so the added stress of not knowing what was going on with me took it's toll. I kept thinking about my uncle and his lump that turned out to be lymphoma so of course my lump began to play on my mind as well.

I eventually went to see my surgeon, the one who had performed my other biopsy in a similar location on my left side, and after examining me he told me that it had to come out. He didn't think it was anything to truly worry about, but because it was growing and causing me pain, the best course of action was to remove it and test it to be absolutely sure. So this past Thursday May 23, 2013, I went under general anesthesia, and the knife to remove the lump of breast tissue. First time I had ever been put to sleep for a procedure, and it went really well. I still wonder if I said anything while unconscious, but I'll have to ask the doctor when I see him a week from tomorrow.

Now I'm undergoing recovery, and it isn't easy. My underarm is encased in a pressure dressing which is packed with gauze. I am not allowed to lift heavy things, or extend my arm too far in order to avoid opening the wound which is in a tricky spot. I haven't been allowed to bathe, until today which I am greatly looking forward to.
I'm ok with pain until I do some movement I'm not supposed to do which I find out because I'm hit with a deep slow sharp pain that catches me off guard. Also instead of the pain getting better, it's actually gotten worse over the last few days as my wound begins to mend from the inside out and my underarm hairs begin to grow back in under the dressing. Today even the gentle pull of gravity caused me enough minor discomfort that eventually it took it's toll and I had to lie down.
I find myself super hungry and tired for no apparent reason, but I suspect that it's all due to my body using up a lot of energy to heal itself.

I decided to get it done now because one, I was afraid to wait any longer, and two, because now that my spring semester is over I have a week off to heal before I head back for summer classes on June 3rd.

Sometimes I think I'm crazy for doing as much as I do. But each step brings me closer to my future, and so far I'm doing a pretty good job. Got another set of straight A's this past Spring semester, even with all the lump drama. So I'm feeling pretty good about where I'm headed, even if that future requires a little sacrifice of flesh and pain. Just taking it one step at a time....

WTH: Pre-Spring Semester in Seclusion....

This is the first of a few backlogged posts that I didn't have time to get to...
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The moment the holiday season hits with thanksgiving my life starts its speed round but this year it was worse.

Having some of my more difficult finals coincide with the holidays and quite a few birthday was like adding an accelerant to a Greek fire. By the end of my fall semester (officially the end to my first year) I had completely burnt myself out.

My kickboxing went out the window replaced by hours of essays, papers, lab reports, studying, and math exercises and when the dust had settled I was in a full on Fibromyalgia crisis. I stayed home almost my whole break only going out for holidays and birthdays. Then when I thought I was getting better I got hit by some sort of semi-flu. It's what happens when you get infected with a bad strain of the flu but you don't quite get sick because you got the flu shot, so your body becomes the battleground and you suffer from some of the physical symptoms without the fever and vomiting. Not sure if my Fibromyalgia exasperated it but it was bad. My lymph-nodes on the entire right side of my upper body were so swollen that it actually caused me pain to move. Like fingers of pain reaching from my lower right jaw and behind my right ear, around the back of my head, down my neck and right shoulder, into my armpit spreading around my back and down my arm. The pain and swelling alone caused constant headaches and stiff necks which I haven't suffered from since I was a kid.

As of this writing I'm finally feeling better. I have energy again, most of the symptoms have gone except lingering neck and head pains, and I've gained back the weight I had lost, all just in time for the beginning of the spring semester...lol...