Hitting Walls while Out Running My Ass(Begining of Week 4)....

Fucking walls........

I'm in week 4 (or the 2nd week of week 2) in the C25K Program (The Couch-to-5K Running Plan) and I'm beginning to hit walls in my training. The whole reason I added an extra week to each single week program was to allow my body to adjust to the exercise and be better prepared for the increase in training, but instead my body feels like it did at the beginning.

Yesterday I felt like I was gonna die running on that treadmill. The only reason I was even able to finish my 20 mins was because I can be a very stubborn Bitch when it comes to being defeated. Where that comes from...you'll have to ask my mother...;-)
I made sure to stretch before my run (like any responsible runner) but from the moment I started running, it felt wrong. 
My knees hurt like hell, my gate was off so I was running with a bit of a limp, and by the time I was half way through I was so exhausted and in pain I wanted someone to kill me. When I finally finished my run through hell, I found I could barely talk, and had pain from the top of my head, to the tips of my toes. I realized (after the blood returned to my aching brain) that next time I might have to give myself more time to recover if I decide to spend another Saturday wedding shopping with my aunts. -_-
 
Granted...the next day I was grateful that I had pushed through the pain because I'm still continuing to see more noticeable changes in my body everyday, and the great thing is, I'm not the only one.
My stomach is flatter and my over all waist is smaller. The 3 rolls of fat that I had on my back (aka my three wise men) are almost completely gone. My saddle bags are smoothing out and my bra band size has gone from a 36 back to a 34. So I haven't even finished my first month of this program and I'm already seeing results. The last thing I want to do right now is slow down....

I know intellectually that I can't push myself like other people, and that if I do, I can end up doing more damage to myself in the long run, but it's so hard to tell yourself to slow down when you finally begin to see the results that you longed for.
I'm doing the impossible, I'm turning back the clock. Forcing back the hands of time. Undoing all the damage I've done, so why would I want to slow that down?

The real question is...how far can I push it?

If I slow down too much, I could end up stalling like a plane, loosing the motivation that my noticeable body changes are giving me. But if I continue to ignore the pain, I could hurt myself to the point of becoming immobile which would definitely bring me back to square 1.

So once again...it's all about compromise.
I continue my routine as usual, but if I notice more pain like I did on Monday, I stop running and just walk the 20 mins. That way, I'm still getting some exercise in but without the risk of further injury.
Will it annoy me? Yes...
Will I want to cheat? Yes...
Will I cheat? No...
Will it be worth it? Yes...as long as I practice the fine art of patience....

Out Running My Ass (End of Week 2)....

So...Like I mentioned in my last blog...I've been using The Couch-to-5K Running Plan. Well... I'm 2 weeks into it and I'm surprised to be saying this, but I'm already noticing some subtle differences...

This program isn't easy, especially for somebody who's never run before, but I noticed after the 2nd time doing it, that the running gets a bit easier every time. I expected that to happen maybe after 2 weeks, not 2 days. I've also noticed that my body is more flexible, my general stamina seems to have improved, but the most surprising are the changes in my body.

To make sure I'm not delusional, I asked a few people if they noticed a difference in my body and sure enough they said they did. What I notice is that I'm standing straighter, and my stomach seems to be flatter. But because my paranoia knows no bounds, I knew I needed to get proof, actual numbers for me to truly believe that my body has changed. So I measured myself and compared the results to measurements I took in February (before the program). 

Well to my surprise again not only has there been changes, but some big ones in places I didn't even expect. 

Sure the half inch off my stomach was what I was expecting, and the half inch off my bust wasn't that surprising, but what really surprised me were the loss of 2 full inches off my hips in 2 weeks!!...

I am literally running my ass off....lol

So I'm not hallucinating or delusional (at least for the most part) and in 2 weeks of using this simple beginners running program I'm feeling good and looking better... 

If this is what comes from running, I may just be the newest convert...

Yep...I think...if all goes as planned...I might just fit into that dress after all...:-)

Run Fat Girl, Run.....

Well...I've decided on a game plan for my weight loss...or at least I think I have.

Running...

Yep...this former athlete turned couch potato, as of yesterday has started running....

I found this program called "The Couch-to-5K Running Plan" and it seems reasonable. 
20 min every other day of alternate walking and running. As you progress the walking quotient of the program gets shorter while the running part gets longer, until your running for a full 30 mins or running for a full 3 miles.


At first my plan was to alternate Pilates and 15 mins of walking on the treadmill everyday, to build stamina, endurance, and strengthen my muscles, but since I got sick, I'm back to square one and need to jump start my program. 
I figure I'll start off with this program for a week or two, see how my body reacts, add stomach crunches on my rest days, then possibly add Pilates on alternating rest days, that way I get both cardio and slowly integrate some strength training.
It seems like a good plan, but it could all fall apart depending on how my screwed up body reacts...(ha..ha..eh..)


My back up plan is to workout 3 times a week with my trainer friend at Bally Total Fitness. He's a member and has offered to workout with me as my gym buddy, which would truly be a blessing for this natural procrastinating exercise has-been...lol
Now that Bally's finally has memberships with no contracts, I wouldn't mind joining again, but that's only if I can afford the monthly fee. Right now it's a bit too much, but I'm hoping they'll soon have a spring sale for all those other procrastinating bums who are panicking about swimsuit season.


My mother always said that if I wanted to loose weight, running was the way to go, and I wouldn't be surprised if just like everything else, she were right...

40 Pounds, 4 Months, and a Wedding...

No...I'm not getting married...

In August I am going to a very important wedding...but I have a rather Large dilemma...

I'm Fat!!

Not big boned...not husky...not pleasantly plump...

F.A.T...

What brought this up?

Realizing that I have to start looking for a dress starting Tomorrow...(*silent scream*)

This is going to be the second wedding I've ever been to (as an adult) and its one of the most important upcoming events of my life.

Why?

Because it's the wedding of my aunt.

A woman who's been my sister, second mother, and best friend for as long as I can remember (I know...sounds very inbred to me too...lol).

After her first unfortunate marriage of control, abuse, and drama, she has found her match. A good man who can not only be a great father to her children, but can handle her eccentricities of mood with humor, and compassion. A man truly worthy of being the newest member of our wolf pack.

It's not going to be anything extravagant.

Just a small gathering of our family and his, on a yacht, for a sunset wedding on the river.

Ok...sounds extravagant, but its not...not with our lot on board...lol

But to me, it's a very special event, and I want to make sure everything is perfect for her, including me...

Ok...truth be told...my reasons for wanting to loose the 40 pounds are rather selfish.

Everyone knows one of the big things about weddings, besides the wedding itself, are the pictures, and ever since the day I grew Boobage, I  hated them with a passion.

During my horrible teens, I saw myself as the fat one of the family, and if anyone, family, friend, or stranger, came at me with a camera, I'd run, hide, or give them nothing but a nameless person with a middle finger for a face.

Evidence to the right:

A photo of my mother and aunt, holding me down for a photo, and my natural instinct photog response...

(from left to right: my mother, me, and my aunt)

In the last few years, I've taught myself to be somewhat ok with the way I look, as long as I was in control of the pictures. What I like to call "self picture therapy".

I've almost mastered my head shot and know what my good angles are (Facebook and Myspace are my testimonials to that...lol), but I still can't take a full body shot without cringing. Especially since I am now at the heaviest I've ever been in my life.

What finally woke me up to how far I let myself go, was seeing pictures of me at the last wedding I went to a few years ago.

I was Huge... and as I cropped my body out of every photo I could get my hands on, I swore that I would never be that BIG for my aunts BIG day.

Oh...and the wedding is going to be in August. Which means of course, hot temps, bare skin, and light colored clothing....

The heavy girls nightmare...

(why???)

How am I supposed to live by the heavy girls code in those conditions...

"Cover up whatever you can"

"Hide it in black so no one can see"

So I made a goal.

Loose 40 pounds by June.

That seemed reasonable when I first decided to start this program in November.

Enough weight to make me feel better. Something attainable, realistic....

 The plan was to loose 5 pounds a month minimum...by just eating healthy (since I still couldn't move around much due to my health)...

What was I thinking...

Who starts a weight loss program of only healthy eating, right before the most gluttonous months of the year?

Luckily...in the second week of December I started a new drug that would give me back my mobility, but I wouldn't realize to what extent until early February, which meant I lost 3 months...

Now that I'm more mobile, I've already lost 10 pounds, but it makes me anxious to push myself so that I can continue to loose enough to meet my goals.

I have to continue to remind myself that I am still going through serious health issues, and that I'm not free to use the crazy diets, or body destroying workouts that the average healthy "fat girl" can use...;-)

All of this drama just so I can be proud to stand by my aunts side. To get photos taken of me without wishing for a swift death. To just enjoy being there with her on her big day without being distracted or self conscious about the way I look.

Seems like such a waist of energy...but I don't know how else to feel...

So, though I'm impatient,  I attempt to eat healthy and slowly build my endurance.

I'm taking the turtles path. Slow and steady wins the race, but I don't remember the turtle having a time limit...

Life, Love and Billy Joel

For the last 2 months I've been obsessing over this song "The Longest Time" by New York's very own Billy Joel.

Why? (you might ask)...

Because I thought I was finally falling in love....

My story isn't anything new. 

Girl gets sick for 2 years, girl finds prescription meds to make her feel better, girl meets boy on social networking sight for people who are into tattoos, though girl distrusts internet people, boy wins girl over with geekiness, girl dates boy, girl finds out boy has Ex girlfriend and baggage, boy doesn't know what he wants, so girl lets boy go.

You know...the same old story...

But now that I've had time to get over him, I find this song still has meaning, just a slightly different meaning.

I need to fall In Love with Myself....

Not an easy thing to do when you've lived most of your life self-conscious about one thing or the other...but as Rupaul says "If you don't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen!"

This song still says to me everything falling in love should be, and might be again, but for now it's all about me baby!!! AMEN!!!...lol

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"Woa, oh, oh, oh

For the longest time

Woa, oh, oh

For the longest

If you said goodbye to me tonight

There would still be music left to write

What else could I do

I'm so inspired by you

That hasn't happened for the longest time

Once I thought my innocence was gone

Now I know that happiness goes on

That's where you found me

When you put your arms around me

I haven't been there for the longest time

Woa, oh, oh, oh

For the longest time

Woa, oh, oh

For the longest

I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall

And the greatest miracle of all

Is how I need you

And how you needed me too

That hasn't happened for the longest time

Maybe this won't last very long

But you feel so right

And I could be wrong

Maybe I've been hoping too hard

But I've gone this far

And it's more than I hoped for

Who knows how much further we'll go on

Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone

I'll take my chances

I forgot how nice romance is

I haven't been there for the longest time

I had second thoughts at the start

I said to myself

Hold on to your heart

Now I know the woman that you are

You're wonderful so far

And it's more than I hoped for

I don't care what consequence it brings

I have been a fool for lesser things

I want you so bad

I think you ought to know that

I intend to hold you for the longest time

Woa, oh, oh, oh

For the longest time

Woa, oh,oh

For the longest time

Woa, oh, oh

For the longest time

Woa, oh, oh,

For the longest time

(Fade Out) "

The Longest Time by Billy Joel