Embracing my Darkness...

There can be no light without darkness, and no darkness without light...

I love the dark...always have...

Most people are afraid of the dark, associating it with evil, sadness, hidden dangers and yes, many of those things do live in the dark, but they also live in the light, unseen because people refuse to see it.

Even I was once afraid of the dark, but not anymore.

At least in the dark, if your smart you stay wary. You keep your senses sharp, your eyes open, and that same darkenss that hides the predators can shield you from them.

It's all about perspective...

While many people seek the spotlight, I prefer the shadows, while others love the day, I blossom at night.

To me darkness is freedom...

Thats not to say I don't love light.
I do.
When the day is cool and dry and the sun shining, it does make me happy and it energizes me. Sunlight invigorates me and I don't think I could live without the sun. It's all about balance. I appreciate the sun, it's just I become truly myself at night.

I just come alive in the dark.

When the lights go out, all my troubsome thoughts and insecurities seems to vanish, and what is left is the rawest, purest part of me.

I become bold, confident, mischevious. The darkness becomes my friend, confidant, companion.

Whenever I'm out and the lights go out, blackout, brownout, fuse blown, my heart begings to race and I can't help but smile.

Maybe that's a part of why I love thunderstorms. They bring together my two loves, darkenss and water.

Ever since I was little and even still to this day the blackness becomes a canvas for my mind to paint upon making anything possible.

For instance my talents truly come alive when the sun sets. 

I work better, write better, draw better. My mind becomes awake, clear of daytimes fog.

One of my favorate games as a kid was hiding in the closet and just sitting in the dark. 

Sounds weird I know, but it's true.

At first I tried with blankets or sofa forts, but there was always issues. 

To get the right level of darkness I needed a lot of blankets, but then the blankets would become too heavy making breathing and moving an issue. Next came sofa forts. I loved my sofa forts, but I could never quite get them light tight enough. Plus the added issue of them being in the living room which was a high traffic area.

Finally I took to sitting in the closet.

The closet was perfect. It was light tight, I could breath and move. The only issue was having to sit on uncomfortable shoes, but that was only a minor annoyance.

I loved sitting in there watching my eyes adjust to the darkness. Being able to see and hear what others could not.

I would lose time in there.

For me my memories are filled with wonderful moments in the dark.

Dances, lounges, shooting stars, every full moon, swimming in the ocean at night, a stolen kiss in a darkened room.

Sitting in the dark my senses take hold and I feel like I can see better then when there is light. 

I can feel the air currents, the heat that comes off my skin and that radiates off of others. I can hear the soft breathing of those around me, the sharp flap of bird wings on the air as well as an ambulance blocks away. I can smell the conditioner in my hair, the sweet smell of charcoal coming from a park BBQ, as well as the recent fresh smell of rain.

But whats interesting is that all those things I mentioned...all those things that used to only happen to me in the dark, are now coming into the light. As I allow myself to truly be myself as I embrace and except myself and my love of the dark, I find that I can bring the wonders of my dark experences into the light. My confidence has grown, my senses are sharper then they've ever been, I'm bolder, louder, stronger.

Yet though my day time experences have gotten better, there is still nothing better then a stolen kiss in the dark...unless there's also a thunderstorm...lol