Needless to say, my somewhat noise-canceling earphones are in my ears utilizing a white noise app that I found which is currently flooding my eardrums with the soothing sound of rain and thunder, so at least I can getaway from the madness somewhat.
As you can imagine from the above, I'm a bit on edge...but it's not just because I'm trapped in an ironically cold HELL full of bad christian music, it's not because my cousin is once again being a selfish ungrateful douchebag and has disappeared with my aunts van uncaring of her need to use it today or our need to use it tonight to get home, nor is it because I'm having a pretty bad pain flare up and I'm on the rag, but because I'm exhausted after my first full week of school and scared I wont make it.
I didn't expect it to be easy, but after the first week, I wont lie, I'm fearful that I've gone over my head and that I'm doing too much. Everyday I have class, three days a week I have two classes back to back. Mostly general requirements, and 1 elective which is my Psychology class. The classes themselves aren't the problem as much as is the labor involved in lugging my heavy bag, back and forth everyday on the subway. I keep telling myself that in a month this trip back and forth will seem like nothing, but I can't help feeling that nagging doubt creep up my spine every time I come home and my body literally collapses in on itself. I know this flare up is a direct result of the stress I put my body through this week, and I'm afraid I'm going to set all my progress back because it's too much for my body to handle.
Plus, if my interview (which has been rescheduled for the 23rd of this month) goes well, I will have a job to go to on top of the other job assisting my uncle with his accounting job, both of which will fill up what remaining time I have left, and will require more lugging around of my heavy ass bag.
So to say the least I'm worried. I wanna believe I can do this, that I can handle it, but I can't help but feel like I might have bitten off more then I can chew.
Not much I can do about it except wait and see...for now I will try to enjoy Superbowl Weekend, cheer for my Giants, and do my best not to kill my uncle or my cousin...lol
(photo by Photobucket, zag7734 and is directly linked)
Keep your eyes on your goals and move as slow as u need to. U r building a future for yourself not running a race. U don't have do it all at once, remember how far u have come and float my warrior. We will hold u up with our love, we won't let u fall.
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