I Pick Myself Up...Dust Myself Off...and Start All Over Again...

(I titled this blog after a line sung in the movie "Home for the Holidays". It's one of my top comedy holiday movies about a single mother who's at one of the lowest points in her life right before spending Thanksgiving with her family and what it really means to be family. It's been said that while most people love their families, they don't always like them very much, and that emotional dividing line is the heart of this comedy. It's directed/staring Holly Hunter and Robert Downey Jr. and the line struck a chord with me after whats been going on with me lately and my current mindset. I've also been using another line from the movie as my mantra but i'll talk about that later. 
If you haven't seen this movie, go out and get it, you wont regret it...)

As for my life
So I'm done moping...for the most part, and this will probably be the last time I write about the breakup. I just don't have time to allow myself to fall into a state of full on depression. Way too much is going on.
Sure I still feel lost, like my anchor has been cut away and my boat is adrift, but I've come too far to just allow that to happen. I'm gonna use whatever I have to in order to get my boat to shore, even if that means using my bare hands.
A few days ago I had myself what I call a "light bulb moment" where my sad listlessness turned into offended bitchiness and I used that energy to send my ex a response to his breakup email. It was one of the best things I've ever written and though I would love to share it on here, for the sake of his privacy and mine I wont.
What I will say is that though I love him and hope he finds his way back to me, my life has to goes on and I can't stop just cause I fell in a ditch. I will move forward, I will date again, but as of right now I will focus on my near future.

Speaking of my future...I took the CAT test (or CUNY Assessment Test) to determine if I needed remedial classes and I passed everything except one portion of Math which isn't that surprising considering how long it's been since I put it into practice.
As you can imagine, I completely freaked out about taking the test. Then on top of that the test was held in the school, so I had the added anxiety of seeing my new school for the first time.

Yep...my poor nails didn't stand a chance...

But while my brain was undergoing the damage of a hurricanes worth of worries, I had myself a moment of clarity. I decided that what I needed was perspective. I needed to see this whole situation differently. So instead of doing what I normally would, which is a lot of last minuet cramming and freaking out, I decided to do the opposite. I forced myself NOT to study, and my mantra became "just float".
Every time I felt a wave of panic begin to rise, "just float", when I realized I was mindlessly eating my fingers "just float", when I wanted to scream and throw-up simultaneously, "just float".
Granted I still chewed the living shit out if my fingers and I still worried a bit when the day came, but thanks to my mantra it was soo much easier.
It also helped that while I waited outside the classroom to take the test some dude walked passed full on picking his noes without a care in the world. That sort of brought me back to reality and laughter is a natural relaxant...lol

So the test is done, today I sent in my Immunization Form that I waited hours and fought many angry patients to get signed in order for them to clear me to register, and this evening I got an email inviting me to the "New Student Assembly" on January 10th also known as Freshman Orientation.


College here I come...if I can get through Christmas and New Years Eve...