I have so much going on in my mind that I had a moment today where I lost focus.
I didn't realize what was happening until I saw how annoyed I was at everything, and how I was being short with my mother for no reason.
(and no... I'm not PMSing nor am I on the rag, so I have no excuse)
I was angry...just plain angry at everything.
Negative thoughts and frustrations about where I am in my life had entered my head and had been allowed to fester.
Frustrations with pain, having to see another doctor tomorrow, my frozen weight loss, guys, money or lack there of, the slow progress of my education, and the embarrassed lies I tell to avoid the looks of pity. So in other words, my life as I slowly reach 30.
I've been making so much progress, and I was happy...truly happy.... so I didn't think those turning 30 blues would hit me...but then BOOM! It hit me...like an unexpected uppercut from a 300 pound lucha libre wrestler named "The Downer Ferry"...
When I realized what was happening, I knew I had to get rid of it right away, so I took a shower.
That shower became more then just a physical cleansing, but a mental and spiritual cleansing as well.
I ran through all my issues as I washed my hair, seeing them for what they were, wasted energy feeling sorry for myself. So I visualized them leave my head and run down my body with the soapy water, finally washing away down the drain.
Water is truly my element. I've always felt connected to it, and it helps me stay balanced.
I got out of the shower feeling so much better, yet I can still feel the shallow echo of my former dark thoughts like dark purple bruises in the back of my mind, so I know I have to stay strong.
My power lies in staying positive, seeing my problems for what they are, and doing something about it.
I can't allow myself to fall into a depression. I've come too far to let anything stop me now...not even if what stands in my way is me...
(Beautiful photo shared by pamzers, Photobucket and is directly linked)
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