YATTA!!!!!!

It’s been waaay too long since the last time I wrote, but with good reason. These last few months have been the craziest months of my life….a re-birthing if you will.

My brain feels unhinged from my spine and scalp. As if floating in my skull, free from gravity’s bonds. I’ve felt this way since April 11th when I took the first part of my big test. 

After running to the testing center (which was given at public school) with seconds to spare I took part 1 of my test and afterward I felt as if I was having some sort of aneurysm or stroke, but then I realized I had over-taxed my brain numb….lol

The test was broken into two parts which I took Monday and Wednesday, missing class to do so. I still went to class on Tuesday though I was a zombie the entire time and to top it all off I had finals that week so since I missed class Wednesday, I had to take two parts of my finals on Thursday, and my Math Lab final was on Friday. So to sum up, I took a test every day that week except Tuesday. 

Fucking crazy right??

Well it all paid off…cause today I found out I passed my BIG test!!!!

I couldn’t believe it. Since I took the test I’ve been going to the status report website, putting in my info and crossing my fingers, but it was still too early. They said it would take 8 weeks before I found out if I passed or not, but when I spoke to others who had already taken the test they said most of the time it gets posted sooner than that. 

So today was the first day I wasn’t thinking about checking. I was too busy with my head in the toilet, vomiting my guts out, trying not to think about the burning in my nose and throat. I haven’t thrown up in a long time, if I got ill the most that would happen would be nausea or heaves, but today it was different. I missed work, and even missed school which says a lot since today is my favorite subject (math). I was even running a low grade fever, and still am.

I was feeling a bit better after risking dinner, so I decided to go online and check my email. While I was online is when I remembered to check for my score, but didn’t expect to find anything. I was shocked, by my information being there, by the fact that I had passed when I was sure I failed, and by my reaction as well because I started crying.

I couldn’t help it. All the years of feeling less then, of feeling inadequate, of fighting for everything, came to a head and I just broke down. I had done it, finally after all these years, I had passed.

Now I can look towards my future with a true sense of hope…