It's been over a week since my aunt's wedding, and I'm still trying to recover and get my thoughts together to write everything that happened.
The whole event can be best described as flipping overwhelming, and I realized today, writing down everything that happened would be way too much of a daunting task.
I would end up turning this semi-legible blog into unreadable gibberish (which I hope I've avoided...so far).
So instead I shall skip over the week prior and concentrate on condensing the wedding day from a book length description to a reasonable blog length (I'll try but there's a lot...lol)...so here it goes...
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The wedding day was one of the craziest experiences of my life...Complete and total madness...lol
Not only did it turn out to be freaking hot day (which I was dreading since I sweat a lot!), but time literally felt like it was flying by and all I was doing was chasing after it like a dumb ass.
My morning started with me on my cell, talking with family, trying to get them from point A to point B, trying to fix appointments that had gone wrong, and trying to figure out where everyone can meet, all the while I was running around the city, hauling over 8 pounds of makeup on my shoulder, missing stops, getting on the wrong buses, all just trying to get to my hair appointment.
Oh and on top of that, I get on the one bus in NYC where the bus driver is gonna bust my balls because I'm on a cell phone...actually using the intercom to tell me to get off my phone!
WTF!!
I think if I wasn't so distracted with all those problems, I might have taken my heavy bag of makeup and knocked that driver upside her fat head, but then I'd be blogging from jail right now, so thank GOD for small favors...lol
I mean...my mind literally felt like it was in a blender, but like everything else, I pushed through the madness, and got shit done.
Family got where they needed to be, the problems got fixed, I made it to my appointment, got my hair done, and we finalized where we were all gonna meet.
Almost everyone was staying at the same hotel, to avoid driving drunk at 11pm, so we decided that was the place to meet up.
After greeting everyone in the lobby, my mother, panicked about our time, literally commandeered my aunts room for us to change in. It was understandable considering we were going to dress the bride on the boat before everyone else so we were tight on time.
It was insane!
We were literally running around the room in our undergarments, our clothing and all 8 pounds of my makeup scattered across the room. One of my aunts joined us later so we could hep her get dressed which just added to the madness. On top of that the bathroom was tiny even for NY standards, so trying fit 3 people in this bathroom to do makeup with the horrible corpse like lighting was a joke. My mother, my aunt and I literally played musical bathroom...lol
But the worst part was that not only did I have to do my makeup, and do it way over the top thanks to the pictures we were gonna be taking, but I had to do my mothers makeup as well, something I had never done before.
Being a perfectionist, it was a fucking crazy thing for me to attempt in the short time we had, but as luck would have it, I didn't fuck it up. But before I could congratulate myself for not freaking out and for doing a good job, we were out the door, running for a cab, doing a dive by to pick up of the bride, and where at the boat.
It was a nice sized yacht called the Star of America, but the moment I got on I noticed two things. One it was rocking like crazy, I could barley keep my balance, and two it was fucking HOT!!!
It was actually cooler outside then it was inside the ship, and I could already feel the beads of sweat forming on the back of my neck.
I was Fucked!
Between my hair being down, wearing a long dress, the physical exertion of just trying to keep my body upright, and the lack of air conditioning, I knew I was gonna look like a drowned cat within moments.
We headed to the main bathroom which was even hotter then the main cabin, and proceeded to dress the bride. Half way through the photographer told us she wanted some shots of the bride getting ready, so we moved back into the main cabin. Last thing you want when your hot, sweaty and uncomfortable, is a camera in your face, but if its for someone you love, then the term "Fuck It" has a way of running through your head, and that's just what happened.
The back of my head and neck were drenched (so much for getting my hair done), folds of my dress were darkened from the sweat, and my upper lip was covered in beads of moisture, but I just focused on what I was doing.
When it was all done, it was worth every moment because she was a vision...
No one would guess this woman who looked like she was in her 30's was actually going to be 50 in 4 months. Every piece that we had seen and chosen separately, came together flawlessly.
My job was done.
As the bride and groom welcomed the guests onto the boat I realized everything that we had been working towards was about to happen, and though my hair was a mess, my makeup was half melted, my dress was too long, I was drenched in sweat, and I couldn't stand in my heals anymore, I didn't care, I was happy.
I was with my family, people I loved, people I felt at home with.
Everyday that I walk out my door, there could be thousands of people around me, and I feel isolated, alone.
But when I'm with my family I'm surrounded with people who see me, who get me, who know what I'm gonna say before I say it. People who truly understand me and when I'm with them, no matter where that is, I feel like I'm truly home.
So I tied up my hair, kicked off my shoes, and said "FUCK IT!!"
The entire ride the boat rocked. Most of the time we had to hold on to each other or the walls to keep from falling, but we laughed every time.
After drinks, we headed top deck for photos, then once we arrived at the Statue of Liberty the ceremony began.
The brides son's girlfriend, a beautiful young 18 year old woman did the ceremony. She had gotten ordained specifically just to do this ceremony and she did such an amazing job that we will be calling her for future baptisms...lol. A few times I thought the ceremony was going to be ruined by the occasional party boat blasting Jay-Z's "Empire State of Mind" but they never got close enough to cause a real disturbance, just close enough to make me laugh.
Then the real party began. The DJ started spinning, and people started dancing (at least those who had the courage with the boat rocking). My uncle, who's notorious at weddings, was dancing with whomever he could grab, and god bless the women who were unlucky enough to get captured by him cause my uncle is dangerous when he dances on dry land, let alone at sea. If you don't believe me, ask every pair of ripped dress pants that man has gone through...lol
After some dancing we had the reception below deck. The lower you go, the less the boat rocks so perfect place to have a meal. There was a speech by the groom, but not a lot of hullabaloo, just elegant, to the point, and a tear jerkier. The food was amazing, as was the cake, but my favorite part was that I got to sit at the troublemakers table and was quite honored by it. My aunt the bride, being a bit of a troublemaker herself, had our table right next to hers, which was nice since usually at weddings the trouble makers are sat as far from everyone else as possible...lol...but that's just how our family rolls...;-)
One thing I did notice was that the power on the ship kept browning out, as did our speed, which could be the reason why the boat was so rocky. It also didn't help that the DJ decided to play music from the movie "Titanic" while we were eating. Either he was a complete idiot, and didn't connect how bad a choice of music that was, or he was a bit sadist. I'm just glad everything turned out ok, or I would have throttled that guy myself...lol
After the reception it was back to dancing. I helped the bride out of her dress and into another more comfortable dress, then headed to the party that was already swinging on the top deck. By this point, almost everyone had gotten used to the rocking of the boat and between the booze and the food, everyone felt ready to dance.
I think we could have gone till the wee hours of the morning, but by 11pm we were back at the south street seaport, ready to dock, and the party was over.
It was one of the best weddings I've ever been too, and one of the happiest moments of my life. If I had to do it over, I'd only change two things, the length of my dress, and I would have taken some pictures with the beautiful vision that was my aunt the bride.
(Photo of Grace Kelly on her wedding day by rhamlin, Photobucket, and directly linked)
Ever wonder what it's like to walk in some random persons shoes? Well... here are my size 7's ;-)
Showing posts with label wedding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wedding. Show all posts
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Should I share Now or Later...hmmmm...?
I wont lie...the prospect of putting out the actual numbers for the world to see (actually more like 5 people..lol) is a frighteningly anus tightening task (say that 10 times fast).
I mean...it's one thing to see my fat ass in person, where I can try to camouflage all my wobbly bits with some dark deceptive shading and flowy fabric, but it's another to actually give out mathematical numbers that you can compare to African wildlife...
But since I seem to be spewing all my other embarrassing shit in this lovely little blog of mine, why not add another smoker to the pile.
Now...don't get all disappointed...but I can't post my weight changes because my scale (which was an old relic covered in dust and hidden under the tub) is dead, and I'm too broke to buy another one (yes I broke it...because I was bouncing on it like an idiot...don't ask)
But...have no fear...I have been taking measurements at least once a month to mark my body modification progress.
I had some basic measurements from March, which I've been using as my control, and I was planning to compare them to measurements I took a week ago. My plan was to wait till the day before the wedding to post them since that was my original goal date...but I'm impatient (always have been...lol) and I'm not sure what difference a little over 2 weeks would really make.
Plus...if I'm gonna do this shit...I got to do it like the way you rip off a band-aid...fast and painless (which is a lie told by sadistic parents who are tired of wasting their time watching their kid slowly peel off the damn band-aid!...sorry...um...went a ranting there...lol)...
So while writing this dribble, I've decided to post the measurements Now and then take new ones after the wedding to post Later...
Let's see if over 2 weeks makes any sort of difference...
Here we go...
March July
Hips : 47 inches Hips: 44 inches
Waist : 38 inches Waist: 33 inches
Bust : 43 inches Bust: 41 inches
Now...I'm not completely happy with the results, because I know I could have done better then this, but I have to be honest and remind myself that I didn't truly put my whole heart into the exercising/eating right thing until June, where I promptly freaked the fuck out.
I may not have reached my goal, but it helped get my large butt moving, and finally pushed me over that hurdle (more like a 30 foot wall) of not wanting to change my life.
I've already set another goal for November when I will hopefully be going to Cancun, so I don't intend to stop once the wedding is over. I'm taking this as far as I can before something happens (which it always seems to do and why my nickname is Murphy...lol)
Though I may not be entirely happy (cause I'll still be fat for the wedding) I'm constantly reminded of how much has changed with the loss of a few inches. I fit into jeans I haven't worn in over 2 years, people say (as if surprised) that I look good without me fishing for it, I can walk further, run faster, and I think I look better, but that's my own personal opinion ;-)
So that's it...
If I can get to a scale I'll see where I am in comparison to the last time I was on a scale (the night it died), then I'll post that in my after wedding blog...
As for now...I'm feeling the effects of the benadryl I took, so it's time for bed...
Peace OUT!!!
(beautiful "Pin Up Measuring Tape" photo by LaurenCollins7's Album, posted on Photobucket, and directly linked)
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Holy Shit!!! Breaking Myself Seems to be Working!!!!!
This week was the first time I was able to do both exercise DVD's (Jillian Michaels for Beginners - Frontside / Backside
) with only a day break in between.
Before when I did the DVD's I'd be incapable of doing much of anything except maybe walk, and that was if I was lucky. I'd normally need 2 to 3 days just to recover because I would be in so much pain even sitting on the damn toilet was an issue.
I mean really...have you ever worked out so hard that the muscles you use to just sit on the damn toilet don't work right anymore. I'd spend at least a day after exercising, falling onto the toilet every time I needed to pee. Not exactly fun...
These DVD's make me use muscles I didn't even know I had, that is until the next day when they're screaming, but what keeps me torturing myself is not a deep seeded masochistic tenancy, but that I'm beginning to see amazing results.
Besides the obvious stamina I've developed, I can see the changes in my body. My ass is melting away, my tummy (especially the lower portion) is disappearing, my arms are getting smaller as are my thighs (which have quite a ways to go), and my face has changed. But the biggest change is the increase in wardrobe.
Now I'm not talking about going out and buying shit (cause I hate shopping...most fat people do) but because stuff I couldn't fit into before, I can fit into again. I went from 1 pair of jeans, to 2, now I can fit (though tightly) into 4 pairs of my old jeans...That was a big hallelujah moment for me cause I don't have any money for clothes, or anything else for that matter.
Granted, these changes are not due to exercise alone. I have changed my diet and am eating healthy whenever I can, but I'm not on "a diet". I'm not eating just salad or organic non processed foods (though I am trying to incorporate more of those into my diet), but I'm using my common sense. I may want the cheeseburger, but the chicken sandwich is a better bet, or I can have a fried chicken wing or two if I make sure to have a heaping of steamed vegetable as my side. I also make sure to eat the healthy stuff first so when I get to the not so healthy stuff, my stomach is already mostly full. I guess you can say I've finally crossed over from wanting to change my life, to actually doing it (**knock on wood**)
Now the question becomes...
Will I loose enough by Auguest 20th to be happy with the way I look in the wedding photos?
Probably not...but I kinda don't care as much anymore.
I realized what I'm doing is more important for the long term then it is for any short term benefits I might get, which is why I'm trying to do this the right way. I've always wondered what my life would be like if I were skinny, but now I wonder what my life is going to be like when I'm finally (mostly) healthy. I know some of my health problems aren't just going to go away once I'm fit (like my Fibromyalgia, my Endometriosis, or being short), but being fit is going to help me get a handle on those issues and that's really all I want at this point.
Now I did the calculations and I will be PMSing for the wedding (OH JOY!!) so all this Zen shit about my weight and not really caring might go out the fucking window on that most anticipated day, but I can only worry about that when it happens, and possibly buy some strong muscle relaxers now...LOL
(Photo of Renée Zellweger as Bridget Jones by Bridget_Jones_photos courtesy of Photobucket and directly linked)
Before when I did the DVD's I'd be incapable of doing much of anything except maybe walk, and that was if I was lucky. I'd normally need 2 to 3 days just to recover because I would be in so much pain even sitting on the damn toilet was an issue.
I mean really...have you ever worked out so hard that the muscles you use to just sit on the damn toilet don't work right anymore. I'd spend at least a day after exercising, falling onto the toilet every time I needed to pee. Not exactly fun...
These DVD's make me use muscles I didn't even know I had, that is until the next day when they're screaming, but what keeps me torturing myself is not a deep seeded masochistic tenancy, but that I'm beginning to see amazing results.
Besides the obvious stamina I've developed, I can see the changes in my body. My ass is melting away, my tummy (especially the lower portion) is disappearing, my arms are getting smaller as are my thighs (which have quite a ways to go), and my face has changed. But the biggest change is the increase in wardrobe.
Now I'm not talking about going out and buying shit (cause I hate shopping...most fat people do) but because stuff I couldn't fit into before, I can fit into again. I went from 1 pair of jeans, to 2, now I can fit (though tightly) into 4 pairs of my old jeans...That was a big hallelujah moment for me cause I don't have any money for clothes, or anything else for that matter.
Granted, these changes are not due to exercise alone. I have changed my diet and am eating healthy whenever I can, but I'm not on "a diet". I'm not eating just salad or organic non processed foods (though I am trying to incorporate more of those into my diet), but I'm using my common sense. I may want the cheeseburger, but the chicken sandwich is a better bet, or I can have a fried chicken wing or two if I make sure to have a heaping of steamed vegetable as my side. I also make sure to eat the healthy stuff first so when I get to the not so healthy stuff, my stomach is already mostly full. I guess you can say I've finally crossed over from wanting to change my life, to actually doing it (**knock on wood**)
Now the question becomes...
Will I loose enough by Auguest 20th to be happy with the way I look in the wedding photos?
Probably not...but I kinda don't care as much anymore.
I realized what I'm doing is more important for the long term then it is for any short term benefits I might get, which is why I'm trying to do this the right way. I've always wondered what my life would be like if I were skinny, but now I wonder what my life is going to be like when I'm finally (mostly) healthy. I know some of my health problems aren't just going to go away once I'm fit (like my Fibromyalgia, my Endometriosis, or being short), but being fit is going to help me get a handle on those issues and that's really all I want at this point.
Now I did the calculations and I will be PMSing for the wedding (OH JOY!!) so all this Zen shit about my weight and not really caring might go out the fucking window on that most anticipated day, but I can only worry about that when it happens, and possibly buy some strong muscle relaxers now...LOL
(Photo of Renée Zellweger as Bridget Jones by Bridget_Jones_photos courtesy of Photobucket and directly linked)
Friday, March 5, 2010
40 Pounds, 4 Months, and a Wedding...
No...I'm not getting married...
In August I am going to a very important wedding...but I have a rather Large dilemma...
I'm Fat!!
Not big boned...not husky...not pleasantly plump...
F.A.T...
What brought this up?
Realizing that I have to start looking for a dress starting Tomorrow...(*silent scream*)
This is going to be the second wedding I've ever been to (as an adult) and its one of the most important upcoming events of my life.
Why?
Because it's the wedding of my aunt.
A woman who's been my sister, second mother, and best friend for as long as I can remember (I know...sounds very inbred to me too...lol).
After her first unfortunate marriage of control, abuse, and drama, she has found her match. A good man who can not only be a great father to her children, but can handle her eccentricities of mood with humor, and compassion. A man truly worthy of being the newest member of our wolf pack.
It's not going to be anything extravagant.
Just a small gathering of our family and his, on a yacht, for a sunset wedding on the river.
Ok...sounds extravagant, but its not...not with our lot on board...lol
But to me, it's a very special event, and I want to make sure everything is perfect for her, including me...
Ok...truth be told...my reasons for wanting to loose the 40 pounds are rather selfish.
Everyone knows one of the big things about weddings, besides the wedding itself, are the pictures, and ever since the day I grew Boobage, I hated them with a passion.
During my horrible teens, I saw myself as the fat one of the family, and if anyone, family, friend, or stranger, came at me with a camera, I'd run, hide, or give them nothing but a nameless person with a middle finger for a face.
Evidence to the right:
A photo of my mother and aunt, holding me down for a photo, and my natural instinct photog response...
(from left to right: my mother, me, and my aunt)
In the last few years, I've taught myself to be somewhat ok with the way I look, as long as I was in control of the pictures. What I like to call "self picture therapy".
I've almost mastered my head shot and know what my good angles are (Facebook and Myspace are my testimonials to that...lol), but I still can't take a full body shot without cringing. Especially since I am now at the heaviest I've ever been in my life.
What finally woke me up to how far I let myself go, was seeing pictures of me at the last wedding I went to a few years ago.
I was Huge... and as I cropped my body out of every photo I could get my hands on, I swore that I would never be that BIG for my aunts BIG day.
Oh...and the wedding is going to be in August. Which means of course, hot temps, bare skin, and light colored clothing....
The heavy girls nightmare...
(why???)
How am I supposed to live by the heavy girls code in those conditions...
"Cover up whatever you can"
"Hide it in black so no one can see"
So I made a goal.
Loose 40 pounds by June.
That seemed reasonable when I first decided to start this program in November.
Enough weight to make me feel better. Something attainable, realistic....
The plan was to loose 5 pounds a month minimum...by just eating healthy (since I still couldn't move around much due to my health)...
What was I thinking...
Who starts a weight loss program of only healthy eating, right before the most gluttonous months of the year?
Luckily...in the second week of December I started a new drug that would give me back my mobility, but I wouldn't realize to what extent until early February, which meant I lost 3 months...
Now that I'm more mobile, I've already lost 10 pounds, but it makes me anxious to push myself so that I can continue to loose enough to meet my goals.
I have to continue to remind myself that I am still going through serious health issues, and that I'm not free to use the crazy diets, or body destroying workouts that the average healthy "fat girl" can use...;-)
All of this drama just so I can be proud to stand by my aunts side. To get photos taken of me without wishing for a swift death. To just enjoy being there with her on her big day without being distracted or self conscious about the way I look.
Seems like such a waist of energy...but I don't know how else to feel...
So, though I'm impatient, I attempt to eat healthy and slowly build my endurance.
I'm taking the turtles path. Slow and steady wins the race, but I don't remember the turtle having a time limit...
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