Leashes For Your Tot: The Hottest Parenting Accessory for the Fashion Forward...

Now I know this isn't a new phenomenon.
I saw my first child leash about 10 years ago, but they were fairly new and hardly seen outside of a backwater mall, but now things have changed.
Yesterday alone I saw 2 different upper/middle class Manhattanites "walking" there kids, and I have this funny feeling, as the weather gets warmer, I'll be seeing more of this.

When did this become a necessary tool in parenting??

I mean...I know as a society we have become isolated, antisocial, germaphobes, but has it really come down to not wanting to touch our own children anymore!

The original leash was called "A Hand".
Very simple tool to use, they come in pairs, and they're free of charge.

Slowly the art of parenting (and it is an art) is dieing away. Nobody wants to do the work required.
It started with parents using television to babysit their children when they wanted alone time. Then family dinners when out the window. Discipline took a nose dive, and now the only communication most parents have with their children is through a text message.
Then people wonder why blow jobs, STD's, and pregnancy are becoming more common in grade school.
Hell... there's even a popular teen drama on television about a pregnant 16 year old!!

But I digress...lol...
let me get back to my point...

Is it really necessary to leash your children?

I mean...are we so busy that we can't keep an eye on our kids?
Are our hands too busy with that blackberry or iPad to keep them in hand?
or is it a matter of simple discipline....
Maybe we are finally seeing the consequences of replacing punishments with "Time Outs" and sending our children to there rooms where they have every possible convenience to pass the time.

When my mother told me to stay close, I stayed close cause I knew the consequences of doing otherwise. I was never allowed to run rampant or throw temper tantrums because it just wasn't allowed. Even my 80 year old grandma kept me in her kung-fu grip anytime we went out, and trust me, she was a little old lady, but not even the jaws of life could remove her hand from mine.

Children can be taught to not to run off into traffic if you take the time to actually talk and teach them.
Children are trainable....

Where has that gone?

People are so worried about what other people think. Over analyzing every single thing we do, we've reduced our children to dogs...

I'm Surrounded by Poop Throwing Monkeys!!!!

(a rant from my phone)

Why is it nothing ever gets fixed around here?

I have to blog from my cell because not only is our cable down, but so is our phone line...again
We've called the phone company many times since February to fix this issue and IT'S APRIL!!!
Guy comes by, says it a problem with the line in the basement, says they're gonna fix it, then a little rain and we're back at square 1.
Before, the line would only go out during bad weather, but today it's sunny, so WTF!

Why does this keep happening u might ask?
Because most of the people who are sent here to fix ANYTHING are freaken MONKEYS!

Now when I say Monkeys, I don't mean it in a racial way. This term is used to describe so called "fix it"people who wouldn't know there ass from there elbow (actually...it might be offensive to Monkeys ;)
I first heard this term used by my irate uncle when I was around 10 years old.
He had picked me up from school and when we got home the house was full of recently dead, smoking electronics.
I (having asthma) was immediately sent to sit on the fire escape, while he went scrambling to unplug everything. Phone calls were exchanged between various parties, including my mother and the Columbia U building office, and then, in through our door come the culprits, the building manager, the super, and the workers who had caused the power serge. Lined up in single file down my hall they stood, men of all different nationalities, and I watched as my quiet uncle, laid into them.
All kinds of curses flew of his mouth as he paced the length of the living room shouting about safety. How this building could have burned down, how I could have been hurt, all cause they had "monkeys" working in the basement.

U could have heard a pin drop...

He said it many times, completely unaware, and each time I had to look away. I was cracking up.

After they finally left with assurances that they will take care of any and all damages, he turned to me with a worried expression and asked
"U don't think they thought I meant it racially do u?"
I never laughed so hard in my life...

So to this day, whenever another thing goes wrong because it wasn't fixed properly in the first place, or because the guy who's fixing it is more experienced at picking his ass then actually doing his job, I may get mad, but then that day with my uncle comes flashing into my head and I smile, because I realize I AM dealing with Monkeys...lol

The Gods Have Been Kind and Ended My Suffering....

Right now I'm sitting on my aunts deck this beautiful Easter Sunday, warmed by the sun, surrounded by the rich smells of cooking foods, and swaying to LaCongaRadio playing from my inferior lap top speakers, but happy non the less. 
I couldn't have asked for a better Easter this year, but this week has been one of the best I've had in a very long time....

It didn't start great. I was having a lot of pain with my running program on Monday, afraid I was beginning to hit the limits of what my body could handle, but after a few changes to my stretching routine, by Wednesday I was back in tip top running shape.
But it was Thursday that made what would have been just a good week, great.

I Found The Dress!!
The dress I'm going to wear to my aunts August wedding...

Now you have to understand, I HATE shopping. I've hatted it ever since my budding bosoms first exploded out of my petite chest. So the last thing I was looking forward to was running all over NY and NJ in search of a fancy dress for this wedding, but it was a necessary evil I did for the beautiful person that is my aunt.

I mentioned to my aunt seeing a "one size fits all" wrap bridesmaid dress on a show called My Fair Wedding that can be worn 10 different ways, and that I thought would be perfect for me. One particular style of wrapping it had caught my eye because it covered some of the upper arm (my problem area).
So intrigued by the idea, we re-watched the show, Googled the name, and found out that the dress was made by Twobirds Bridesmaid. After seeing the dresses on the web sight, neither my aunt nor my mother were quite convinced that it would work, but I was persistent. Since my aunt wanted to make me happy, she made an appointment for us to go and because she was being so reasonable, I agreed to go with them to other dress stores with an open mind, just in case. 
But to tell the truth, seeing that dress gave me the kind of feeling in my chest that I only get when I know something is meant to be....

Due to over scheduling, we had to cancel our appointment, but I being the efficient person that I am, thought ahead, made a few calls, then made the appointment myself on the day I knew for sure everyone was free. That day being this past Thursday...

The moment we got there I was confused....
We were standing in front of an average residential apartment building. No signs or any indication whatsoever that my dream dress lay inside. At first I didn't even know if we were in the right place, until I rechecked the address, then the buzzers inside the lobby, and low and behold, there it was. 
The designer works out of her former village apartment, so when we finally entered her small first floor, 1 bedroom apartment, it felt odd because it felt like I was entering a strangers home. 
The first room you walk into is a very nice, small, simple living room with a fireplace, a couch, a coffee table, and some show dresses on display. Between the 3 of us and the designer, it seemed a bit uncomfortably intimate, but that might just have been me....
After we explained why we were there and who was to be the ginny pig (yours truly), she took us through a tiny hallway/kitchen that opened up into what once had to have been a bedroom that she converted into her office/workspace. 
She pointed out some knotted dresses she had, asking about color and length and once we chose, we went back to the living room where she showed me to a little dressing room behind the couch that I hadn't noticed on entering. She explained which way to put on the dress, then left me to try and squeeze my big bazookas past the waist of the dress in private. But once that difficult part was over, it felt wonderful. I left it unwrapped but draped over the shoulders as instructed so that I could go back to the living room/display area and be wrapped and unwrapped for the "bride to be's" pleasure...
Needless to say both my aunt and mother were flabbergasted at how great this dress looked on me. Each time the designer changed the style it looked better, until finally I mentioned the style I had come all the way there to see. 
The moment she finished tying me into my style, I knew I had won. They were both speechless...
I looked Phenomenal!!!

My mother started laughing and all my aunt could do was smile and shake her head at me. Once again I was right....
All that was left was deciding on a length and making the purchase. 
We chose long because it was more versatile and my aunt paid for it, claiming in was an investment dress we could all take turns wearing...lol

It all took no more then 30 mins....
Why?
Because that's how I roll. If you do your homework beforehand, shopping can be a sniper like experience, and that's the only kind of shopping I can endure....lol

So now I can sit back, relax and enjoy Easter with my family the right way, without the anxiety of finding the perfect dress. Just yard work, Glazed Ham, Carrot slaw, potato salad, and the sun on my face...

All that's left... is what has yet to come....

Hitting Walls while Out Running My Ass(Begining of Week 4)....

Fucking walls........

I'm in week 4 (or the 2nd week of week 2) in the C25K Program (The Couch-to-5K Running Plan) and I'm beginning to hit walls in my training. The whole reason I added an extra week to each single week program was to allow my body to adjust to the exercise and be better prepared for the increase in training, but instead my body feels like it did at the beginning.

Yesterday I felt like I was gonna die running on that treadmill. The only reason I was even able to finish my 20 mins was because I can be a very stubborn Bitch when it comes to being defeated. Where that comes from...you'll have to ask my mother...;-)
I made sure to stretch before my run (like any responsible runner) but from the moment I started running, it felt wrong. 
My knees hurt like hell, my gate was off so I was running with a bit of a limp, and by the time I was half way through I was so exhausted and in pain I wanted someone to kill me. When I finally finished my run through hell, I found I could barely talk, and had pain from the top of my head, to the tips of my toes. I realized (after the blood returned to my aching brain) that next time I might have to give myself more time to recover if I decide to spend another Saturday wedding shopping with my aunts. -_-
 
Granted...the next day I was grateful that I had pushed through the pain because I'm still continuing to see more noticeable changes in my body everyday, and the great thing is, I'm not the only one.
My stomach is flatter and my over all waist is smaller. The 3 rolls of fat that I had on my back (aka my three wise men) are almost completely gone. My saddle bags are smoothing out and my bra band size has gone from a 36 back to a 34. So I haven't even finished my first month of this program and I'm already seeing results. The last thing I want to do right now is slow down....

I know intellectually that I can't push myself like other people, and that if I do, I can end up doing more damage to myself in the long run, but it's so hard to tell yourself to slow down when you finally begin to see the results that you longed for.
I'm doing the impossible, I'm turning back the clock. Forcing back the hands of time. Undoing all the damage I've done, so why would I want to slow that down?

The real question is...how far can I push it?

If I slow down too much, I could end up stalling like a plane, loosing the motivation that my noticeable body changes are giving me. But if I continue to ignore the pain, I could hurt myself to the point of becoming immobile which would definitely bring me back to square 1.

So once again...it's all about compromise.
I continue my routine as usual, but if I notice more pain like I did on Monday, I stop running and just walk the 20 mins. That way, I'm still getting some exercise in but without the risk of further injury.
Will it annoy me? Yes...
Will I want to cheat? Yes...
Will I cheat? No...
Will it be worth it? Yes...as long as I practice the fine art of patience....

Out Running My Ass (End of Week 2)....

So...Like I mentioned in my last blog...I've been using The Couch-to-5K Running Plan. Well... I'm 2 weeks into it and I'm surprised to be saying this, but I'm already noticing some subtle differences...

This program isn't easy, especially for somebody who's never run before, but I noticed after the 2nd time doing it, that the running gets a bit easier every time. I expected that to happen maybe after 2 weeks, not 2 days. I've also noticed that my body is more flexible, my general stamina seems to have improved, but the most surprising are the changes in my body.

To make sure I'm not delusional, I asked a few people if they noticed a difference in my body and sure enough they said they did. What I notice is that I'm standing straighter, and my stomach seems to be flatter. But because my paranoia knows no bounds, I knew I needed to get proof, actual numbers for me to truly believe that my body has changed. So I measured myself and compared the results to measurements I took in February (before the program). 

Well to my surprise again not only has there been changes, but some big ones in places I didn't even expect. 

Sure the half inch off my stomach was what I was expecting, and the half inch off my bust wasn't that surprising, but what really surprised me were the loss of 2 full inches off my hips in 2 weeks!!...

I am literally running my ass off....lol

So I'm not hallucinating or delusional (at least for the most part) and in 2 weeks of using this simple beginners running program I'm feeling good and looking better... 

If this is what comes from running, I may just be the newest convert...

Yep...I think...if all goes as planned...I might just fit into that dress after all...:-)

Run Fat Girl, Run.....

Well...I've decided on a game plan for my weight loss...or at least I think I have.

Running...

Yep...this former athlete turned couch potato, as of yesterday has started running....

I found this program called "The Couch-to-5K Running Plan" and it seems reasonable. 
20 min every other day of alternate walking and running. As you progress the walking quotient of the program gets shorter while the running part gets longer, until your running for a full 30 mins or running for a full 3 miles.


At first my plan was to alternate Pilates and 15 mins of walking on the treadmill everyday, to build stamina, endurance, and strengthen my muscles, but since I got sick, I'm back to square one and need to jump start my program. 
I figure I'll start off with this program for a week or two, see how my body reacts, add stomach crunches on my rest days, then possibly add Pilates on alternating rest days, that way I get both cardio and slowly integrate some strength training.
It seems like a good plan, but it could all fall apart depending on how my screwed up body reacts...(ha..ha..eh..)


My back up plan is to workout 3 times a week with my trainer friend at Bally Total Fitness. He's a member and has offered to workout with me as my gym buddy, which would truly be a blessing for this natural procrastinating exercise has-been...lol
Now that Bally's finally has memberships with no contracts, I wouldn't mind joining again, but that's only if I can afford the monthly fee. Right now it's a bit too much, but I'm hoping they'll soon have a spring sale for all those other procrastinating bums who are panicking about swimsuit season.


My mother always said that if I wanted to loose weight, running was the way to go, and I wouldn't be surprised if just like everything else, she were right...

40 Pounds, 4 Months, and a Wedding...

No...I'm not getting married...

In August I am going to a very important wedding...but I have a rather Large dilemma...

I'm Fat!!

Not big boned...not husky...not pleasantly plump...

F.A.T...

What brought this up?

Realizing that I have to start looking for a dress starting Tomorrow...(*silent scream*)

This is going to be the second wedding I've ever been to (as an adult) and its one of the most important upcoming events of my life.

Why?

Because it's the wedding of my aunt.

A woman who's been my sister, second mother, and best friend for as long as I can remember (I know...sounds very inbred to me too...lol).

After her first unfortunate marriage of control, abuse, and drama, she has found her match. A good man who can not only be a great father to her children, but can handle her eccentricities of mood with humor, and compassion. A man truly worthy of being the newest member of our wolf pack.

It's not going to be anything extravagant.

Just a small gathering of our family and his, on a yacht, for a sunset wedding on the river.

Ok...sounds extravagant, but its not...not with our lot on board...lol

But to me, it's a very special event, and I want to make sure everything is perfect for her, including me...

Ok...truth be told...my reasons for wanting to loose the 40 pounds are rather selfish.

Everyone knows one of the big things about weddings, besides the wedding itself, are the pictures, and ever since the day I grew Boobage, I  hated them with a passion.

During my horrible teens, I saw myself as the fat one of the family, and if anyone, family, friend, or stranger, came at me with a camera, I'd run, hide, or give them nothing but a nameless person with a middle finger for a face.

Evidence to the right:

A photo of my mother and aunt, holding me down for a photo, and my natural instinct photog response...

(from left to right: my mother, me, and my aunt)

In the last few years, I've taught myself to be somewhat ok with the way I look, as long as I was in control of the pictures. What I like to call "self picture therapy".

I've almost mastered my head shot and know what my good angles are (Facebook and Myspace are my testimonials to that...lol), but I still can't take a full body shot without cringing. Especially since I am now at the heaviest I've ever been in my life.

What finally woke me up to how far I let myself go, was seeing pictures of me at the last wedding I went to a few years ago.

I was Huge... and as I cropped my body out of every photo I could get my hands on, I swore that I would never be that BIG for my aunts BIG day.

Oh...and the wedding is going to be in August. Which means of course, hot temps, bare skin, and light colored clothing....

The heavy girls nightmare...

(why???)

How am I supposed to live by the heavy girls code in those conditions...

"Cover up whatever you can"

"Hide it in black so no one can see"

So I made a goal.

Loose 40 pounds by June.

That seemed reasonable when I first decided to start this program in November.

Enough weight to make me feel better. Something attainable, realistic....

 The plan was to loose 5 pounds a month minimum...by just eating healthy (since I still couldn't move around much due to my health)...

What was I thinking...

Who starts a weight loss program of only healthy eating, right before the most gluttonous months of the year?

Luckily...in the second week of December I started a new drug that would give me back my mobility, but I wouldn't realize to what extent until early February, which meant I lost 3 months...

Now that I'm more mobile, I've already lost 10 pounds, but it makes me anxious to push myself so that I can continue to loose enough to meet my goals.

I have to continue to remind myself that I am still going through serious health issues, and that I'm not free to use the crazy diets, or body destroying workouts that the average healthy "fat girl" can use...;-)

All of this drama just so I can be proud to stand by my aunts side. To get photos taken of me without wishing for a swift death. To just enjoy being there with her on her big day without being distracted or self conscious about the way I look.

Seems like such a waist of energy...but I don't know how else to feel...

So, though I'm impatient,  I attempt to eat healthy and slowly build my endurance.

I'm taking the turtles path. Slow and steady wins the race, but I don't remember the turtle having a time limit...